Been three weeks since I got back from hyderabad..not had the time or enthusiasm to update my blog..but this incident is just too weird to be buried.
I have met a lot of strange people in the last two years. Just when I think I've seen it all, maru-man arrived on the scene.
In a typical flash of brilliance, I booked a sleeper ticket on the way back from hyderabad. A bunch of boys were returning from a railway recruitment exam, and they all thought the seats around me were especially cozy, so twenty of them decided to 'hang' in my little cubicle thingie. (I don't know the technical word for that region..:P) Everyone giving the exam is allowed to travel on trains without a reservation, which meant they just plonked their asses where there was place to do so.
But the best seat in the house, the one directly opposite mine was picked by a middle aged (ok, he was in his early thirties, I guess) marwadi dude. I knew he was Marwadi because he told me so. He also told me where he lived, what he did for a living, where he did what he did for a living, and various other details of his life I REALLY didn't give a rat's ass about.
You would think that monosyllabic responses to personal questions and a complete absence of reciprocation of intrusive questions would send across a hint of disinterest. But no. What if I was shy, and hence quiet? So what if I had my headphones on and was looking out of the window (not at him) throughout? I was actually secretly desirous of a conversation with the yellow toothed, crimson shirt wearing charmer opposite me, but was shy, and hence he had to do all the talking.
God! Why don't they get it until we shout out "SHADDAP"? Is that the only way to convincingly convey disinterest anymore?
He asked me if I wanted Bhel, and when I politely declined, asked me
Why? Why? You must have, please. Let me buy you some.
No! I don't buy food from vendors in trains.
But it is goood!
NO thanks.
This was our first conversation. As the evening proceeded, it only got worse. I was surrounded by boys, but they were not intrusive in the least. They were sweet enough to ask if I wanted my water bottle replenished, and didn't insist when I said no.
Smartypants couldn't contain himself though.
What does your dad do?
What do you do?
I'm in college.
Which college?
Xaviers. (Fib #1)
I thought saying I was still in college would make him realise the difference in our ages, but no, he persisted at it.
Where do you stay?
Andheri. (Fib #2)
Oh, I stay at borivili (broad smile)
No smile from me.
As the night approached, I decided I'd just turn my back to the lot of them and sleep. Maru-dude entertained the boys with Himesh videos on his phone.
In the middle of the night, I turned back to find Marudude awake, staring away. I wanted to put on my sandals to make a trip to the loo, and got out of the lower berth to realise that someone was sleeping in the gap between the lower berths. And two more people beneath the lower berths! I was shocked. I had never seen this before. I felt like shit for all the times I had cribbed about uncomfortable journeys. Nothing can get worse than sleeping below the lower berth, I suppose.
The train was supposed to arrive at VT at five fifteen. Luckily, as I was to find out later, Marudude and all the other boys intended to get off at Dadar.
I was up at 4.30, and the intrusion into my personal space continued from where it was suspended the previous night.
What's your name?
P******
Nice name.
*hrmph*
South Indian?
Yes.
Wait, I'll give you something
Reaches into bag and takes out.....A mixie Jug!!!
Here, your mother can make chutney with this. My company makes, you know..
Nobody had ever given me a Mixie Jug before, and I wasn't quite prepared.
I looked at it, speechless. Noticed a label.
"To be used with Sumeet mixies"
yay! "I don't have a Sumeet mixie. Can't use it. Thanks."
I thrust it back into his hand quickly..
"But, you must take it"
"No"
All the other boys were looking at me, ready to burst out laughing. I looked back at them, helpless, wondering how to deal with this jackass.
Dadar arrived.
I had given my cell phone number to one of the other boys (I'll explain why later). Of course while getting off he has to say
" Please call me when you find out the stuff "
He had asked me to help him locate a Hitachi outlet in Ahmedabad, I offered to do so online.
Maruman takes out his phone, and says,
"Give me your number, I'll keep in touch."
"Honestly, I would rather not give my number, sorry."
"Please, i'll keep in contact."
"No, sorry"
I look entreatingly at the cop who had gotten in at an earlier station and made himself comfortable in our cubicle. Maruman gets off the train, but not without shouting
"Bye P*****"
Twice!
EEEKS!I had survived. Only just.
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14 comments:
Lady, this is vile/disgusting/gross/sickening all rolled into one! How could you just turn your back and drop off to sleep? I'm referring of course to this:
"Maru-dude entered the boys with Himesh videos on his phone. "
:P
BETTER?
and thanks..:P
haha! this is very well-written. i made many overnight journeys between bangalore and madras, but none of them was as entertaining as this. i guess it was also because there wasn't enough time to make friends and influence people :)
Such innuendo in this post! ;) It starts with the title of course, and then you say this...
"so twenty of them decided to 'hang' in my little cubicle thingie. (I don't know the technical word for that region..:P)"
lol!
Have I told you of a trip I made to Baroda once and this old man asks me what I do and when I said I was studying for a PhD and had done Biotech, he started telling me he was a prof in chemistry and scrambled around for a piece of paper and drew the (wrong) structure of glucose to prove it. He thrust the paper under my nose and said "This is glucose, no?" and I politely smiled and agreed in the hopes that he would let me sleep.
=))) OUCH!!!
As far as I remember, in 4 yrs of regular 36 hr sleeper class trips to/from home maybe 2 people I don't know ever bothered to speak to me :P. But then how many would be tempted to speak to someone who spent almost all the time sleeping on his top bunk :D.
lucky guys must say.. thanks to the mba exams am travelling a lot but never encountered a young girl.. :):).. anyway i guess the guys cud not keep their testeotrone levels under control.. nice one buddy.. btw, hi..
Hah.
I like the hate for Maru-dudes here.
If he was a Tulu Brahmin, you'd be all over him sharing his Himesh videos and his bhel. Not to mention his mixie jug for Amma to make chutney in..
You have such fun! I never get to talk to anyone on train journeys...must be the frown on my face and the book I'm buried in all the time.
Flight journey flirting with pursers and stewardesses on the other hand...Sigh. (You get a better class of jug on flights..Mixie or otherwise)
Interesting experience. And sleeping on the floor in a sleeper class coach ins't as uncomfortable as trying to sleep in the general class compartment, while standing.
Though I must admit your journey did suck. Be nastier :).
This is *howlarious* and you tell it well :))
Arunz
Take it from someone who travels often on 24+ hour journeys by our beloved Indian Railways, it often comes to the point of losing your sanity.
Journeys can be lonely and the desire to indulge yourself in small talk can be increasingly felt, especially for the "perky" first time traveller (the "veteran" knows how he is going to manage his time without interacting with anyone other than the lads serving eatables and drinks).
Having had similar experiences, I can assure you, a little "interest" goes a long way in making it a pleasant journey for everyone. It shows that you do not have any contempt for the person and hence when you make a request to be left alone, seems more genuine than if you were abrasive the whole time.
I suggest you try a little of that the next time. And travel some more by trains, you will find weirder individuals, like India obsessed foriegners asking for your opinion on how "indian dresses" he has purchased would suit as gifts to his wife/girlfriend etc.
Finally, that was really fun to read. Brought back some good "painful" memories.
wonderful narration. Guess, you should be writing a lot.
unratiosenatic: thank you..:) trust me, all these things make for great entertainment once you're out of the situation. not so much fun when you're being chatted up. Like i was saying to a friend, i've never felt so violated in a conversation..:-)
ook: on my last (and only) trip to baroda, some man who said he was a professor kept giving me puzzles to solve! :P
kray:
But then how many would be tempted to speak to someone who spent almost all the time sleeping on his top bunk :D.
i'm soo doing that on my next trip.
garcia: hi!
about the testosterone bit, a bunch of twenty yr olds also in my 'cubicle' were very well behaved. i just got lucky with the maru man.
vikster:
Flight journey flirting with pursers and stewardesses on the other hand...Sigh. (You get a better class of jug on flights..Mixie or otherwise)
true. but they're always unapproachable.
mouse: Be nastier :)
yup, that should come pretty easily to me.
arunz: thanks. just curious. are you 'arun' with mpd?
I'm sorry. that was mean.
i get like that once in a while.
shat van:
Having had similar experiences, I can assure you, a little "interest" goes a long way in making it a pleasant journey for everyone. It shows that you do not have any contempt for the person and hence when you make a request to be left alone, seems more genuine than if you were abrasive the whole time.
ok, the other guy who i gave my number to (because he asked me to help him with something) has been calling me up from baroda. like every other day. sooooo annoying. he's even given my number to some random chick.
the good news is he's forgotten my name and asks for arpita.
pc: thanks..:)
Dunno who this other arun is :-)...I keep away from psychos myself...but these days there's no one normal but I :D
Arunz
humph ! why do i not have random maru dudettes hit on me on trains ???
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